My heart is beating

The great thing about being in your 30s, I believe, is that you not only begin to know yourself, but you begin to pay attention to the things that make you happy and bring you joy. You begin to recognize the moment you’ve landed in your sweet spot and, hopefully, you do your best to revisit the sweetness as often as you can. 

For me, contentedness comes when I'm creating. I like engaging in creative projects and I like using my hands. I love doing these things with my children, but I also like to practice on my own. For instance, I decoupaged a paper mache deer over the holidays while watching Netflix. I’ve gathered the supplies to make lavender scented linen spray and yesterday I made candles. The process leaves me such peace.

I love the feeling of total concentration and engagement as I use my hands and mind to muse and create. Pouring soy wax into a pan and stirring it as it liquefies feels like meditation. It requires just enough of my mind that everything but the moment melts away. It’s a prayer that has no words; the quiet, the rhythm of turning something inconsequential into something beautiful connects me to God and softens me to the universe. 

In which I sit in a coffee shop and think aloud on paper...

Four months ago I took a new job. One month ago I was on the other side of the planet. A few weeks ago my eldest cut his hair and my middle hit a triple. Today my daughter finishes preschool. In two weeks we're getting a poodle.

Right now I'm sitting at Starbucks and the sun is shining. My brain is slightly scattered because I have two hours of quiet before I need to go greet the kids after school. Two hours of unaccounted coffee shop time!! I have so many things I want to do! Write a blog post, take notes for Oliver's 11th birthday poem, revisit my book proposal. Blog wins.

Truthfully, I'm oddly unsentimental about Sintayehu's last day of preschool. She learned to ride a bike without training wheels the other day and I acknowledged it as the First of the Lasts. There is no doubt that my children are growing up. Here I am to witness it. I can't think of anything other than joy and gratitude. I am still sometimes in awe of the fact that I am a mother and a wife, that we have a house and two cars and a cat.

Feeling grateful has been easy lately. My trip to Tanzania was a bold reminder in taking nothing for granted. The pothole in the alley that was bugging me? Our infrastructure exists, and that alone is amazing. The fact that Hy-Vee was out of leeks the day I planned to make potato-leek soup? Really? I get to go to a store and buy food that I'll cook with little time and the modern conveniences of a stove and immersion blender(!).

Upon meeting and interviewing women who have lost their children to crocodiles (gathering water), malaria, and other "mysterious" illnesses (likely due to contaminated water), there is nothing in this modern place where I live that I can't find something to be thankful for. Perspective is everything.

As I've taken all of this in, I've been reminded that gratitude leads to joy. Jake and Papa Frank are coaching Eli's baseball team. Do you have any idea how much fun this is to watch? Sintayehu skips everywhere she goes. Oliver created a Power Point presentation that has a picture of a cat to represent every letter of the alphabet. (Ex. A is for Angry Kitty, C is for Cute Kitty.) How can I not smile?

In Tanzania, I got to see how a little bit of support goes a long way. I met women who were able to send their children to school because they received two goats through the Empower Tanzania goat program and were able to pay for school fees. I watched men and women sing and dance because a well was being dug in their community. I got to hear stories about community health workers going out into their communities to offer dignity and care to the dying. Humbling stuff.

I guess all of this is to say that life is good and God is good and I'm pretty sure that Love endures. I've had some sad weeks over the last few months. The sun has refused to shine and I've felt busy and overwhelmed and I've wondered about the equity of this world and my place in it. But then I open my eyes and look around.

I wonder what you guys think. I'll admit that I'm a bit angst-y by nature, but do you ever take a step back from it all and wonder how you got here? Do you ever wonder why you were born where you were? Do you ever think about your relationships and wonder if you're giving enough to them and receiving from them what you need? Life is so beautiful and so complex, isn't it? Or is it just beautiful? Or is it just complex? Do these things ever stand alone? Can we?

I don't think I've ever had a more relaxing break. Remember when I was telling you about "taking a day"? Well, I took about two weeks, didn't apologize, and feel amazing as a result. I closed the door to my office and refused to feel sorry about what I wasn't doing. Rather, I spent my days baking, creating, playing with the kiddos, connecting with loved ones, reading, and binge watching Parenthood on Netflix. Right now I'm reading Eckart Tolle's The Power of Now and it has reinforced something I've felt in my bones for awhile but don't always allow time/space for: 

Beauty arises in the stillness of presence. 

How did it get so late so soon?

Though I'm working to practice presence in 2015, I love looking back and thinking about how time has shaped our family and brought us to this moment. Here are a few of my favorites from 2014:

^^Mindy got married! My beautiful cousin married an amazing man in March. It was such fun to celebrate with the two of them and our entire family. Yay for Love!^^

^^In March the entire Klipsch family went to Mexico. It was such a wonderful week! I love my in-laws and am so blessed that these amazing people are not only family but best friends. A week on the beach laughing, relaxing, watching our kids play...perfection!^^

^^It was an amazing year for travel. Jake and I got to celebrate my aunt's 50th birthday in Vegas in February, the whole family traveled to Mexico in March, the boys and I got to visit good friends in Atlanta in June, and I attended a great conference in Nashville in August. But the big trips actually happened in July: Sintayehu and I visited Kait in NYC and hung out with my mom in Chicago. Jake, my step-dad, and our boys spent two weeks in Tanzania—a trip of a lifetime! Clearly, travel is a huge priority for us and the trips we were able to take this year will impact our lives forever! Such joy!!^^

^^The Water Party is always a highlight. I love the madness that takes over in October and November. I have always loved working with Tesi on this project, and this year I got to plan with Emily as well. Again, you can't choose your in-laws, but somehow I got incredibly lucky. And the women in this community?! We had so much amazing help and every last person on our team was incredible. Oh my goodness. I'm beginning to think this community is the very best in the world. ^^

^^We got a cat!! After years of saying we'd never get an animal and then years of thinking about getting an animal, we finally got a cat! Zuri Opal Nightwalker Michael Jackson Klipsch (we tend to call her just Zuri or Zoo-zi) came to us just after Easter and it's been a total love affair since.^^

^^In August, my good friend Sara and I hosted a poetry reading at our church. It was such a wonderful night! We paired contemporary poems with age-old psalms and asked almost 20 people to read. (This included 10-year-old Oliver, who read On Turning Ten by Billy Collins. My heart!!) My mom played flute and another friend played cello in the prayer garden on a lovely summer evening. It was such a fun experience.^^

^^After a fab weekend in Chicago where Jake and I got to enjoy a beautiful downtown wedding with his lovely extended family, we came back to Eastern Iowa to meet my parents who had taken the kids camping for the weekend. We spent the afternoon watching them fish, playing, and picnic-ing. It was a really fun weekend that stands out as one that makes me happy. I love spending time with my husband. I love being a mom. I love being silly. (Here we are jumping off swings!)^^

^^I've continued to freelance as a writer and editor and love writing for Radish, Gold Book, Yoga Iowa consistently. I got to dip my toe in more marketing copy this year, appeared frequently on Paula Sands Live, and enjoyed speaking at the Inspire Motherhood Conference. I was sad to lose my copy editing gig at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology in October. I loved spending 10 hours each week reading fascinating, cutting-edge doctoral dissertations, but I continue to teach at The Chicago School. The book...well, I'm still working hard. I have gotten some wonderful endorsements, which I am so thankful for. I've also made progress on my "platform." (Thank you for "liking" my FB page! Publishers love numbers!) My agent continues to shop the book. I'm hoping this is my year!^^

(The title of this post is a quote from Dr. Suess. It's a question that gets truer with every passing year.)

Advent

I love the anticipation leading up to Christmas during the season of Advent. It's like taking a trip—the planning and the dreaming and the looking forward—there is so much joy and excitement in the days leading up to the big event.

To observe Advent, our family lights the appropriate candle(s) on the four Sunday evenings leading up to Christmas. We eat together at the dining room table instead of at the kitchen table where we typically have dinner. I put out a table cloth and it all feels quite celebratory. We say prayers and read verses as we light the candles. We try to steer the conversation in meaningful ways. It really doesn't matter what we eat. Last Sunday we ate leftovers; maybe next week I'll throw together a pasta. We gather, we anticipate the birth of the Peace Lover and World Shaker, and we enjoy sacred time together.

The prayers we're using for lighting the candle are found HERE.

Week 1 verse: Isaiah 52: 7-10; Discussion Prompt: Waiting
Week 2 verse: Luke 21: 21-36; Discussion Prompt: Expectation
Week 3 verse: Luke 1: 46-55; Discussion Prompt: Humility + Hope
Week 4 verse: Luke 2: 1-7; Discussion Prompt: The Birth of Jesus!

Also, this is great:

Take-A-Day

I must admit something to you. I spend a good piece of my writing time with the intent of helping others live a good, intentional, less-complicated life. I extoll the virtues of slowed-down, healthy living. I advise readers to stare into candles and search for inner peace. But do I do these things myself? I'm afraid I've forgotten how.

My sister-in-law Emily and my friend Jen helped me realize this when we were preparing for the Water Party. We were in the early stages of silent auction basket planning when I said this:

"Oooh! I have a massage from Salon Envy I got last year and never used! I'll donate it!"

"Oh! I'll donate the massage that I got for my birthday a year and a half ago and haven't cashed in." (I should mention Emily is the one who gave me this massage, which made the revelation extra appalling.)

"Oh my gosh! Jake got me a $100 gift card to Indigo Hot Yoga for Christmas last year. I've never gone. I'll ask the owner if he'll write a new one for the party."

"What is wrong with you?" They asked in appalled unison. I've been thinking about that question ever since.

Here's what I've come up with: I've fallen into a dangerous thought pattern. I don't take time for myself. When faced with the opportunity, I find work to do. I find laundry to do. I dream up a project for the kids and gather the supplies. None of these things are bad and I actually enjoy doing all of them, but I've lost a little bit of myself along the way. Since being given the above-mentioned gifts (opportunities to pamper myself), I could have found time for an hour-long massage. I could have managed a hot yoga class or two or ten over the course of a YEAR. But instead, I convinced myself that I don't have time to spend on myself. I've told myself that if I'm paying for childcare, I should be working. I've attached guilt to self-care.

Perhaps there are a lot of us who have fallen into this trap at one point or another. Maybe it's a product of being in the rush-hour of life...kids, work, a mortgage, a big extended family, amazing friends, and an intense drive to suck the marrow from life. Maybe it's an individual flaw. Maybe it's the nature of the freelance work I do. (There are no built-in vacations. You have to make it happen yourself.) Maybe it's living in a society that honors busyness and constant productivity. Regardless, I can do better. I can show myself the same affection I show those I love most.

I'm going to work on being kinder to myself. I'm going to listen to my own advice. I'm going to try to slow down. A week ago Friday, I played hooky from work and had lunch with my mom. (The work still got done; my mom and I had a lovely time.) And last Tuesday, I decided to "take a day" for myself. I read a book. I meditated in a quiet house. I went to the Y for a run. I had a cocktail with my husband at the end of the day and we watched a movie after the kids went to bed. I'll be honest. It was so hard. But also, so delicious.

We're in the midst of a hyped-up busy season. However, I'm going to pay attention to how I spend my time and make sure that I'm not giving away what's good for me. I'm going to take a day...or an hour...or twenty minutes more often. It's my own personal rebellion. This is true, and yet, as you know wise reader, self-care should never be rebellion.

Lessons Learned Last Week

Life has been a whirlwind lately and I haven't had much time to blog. Jake has about a month off from work in the summer and we always tend to milk it for everything it's worth. Hence, lots of trips, projects, and time in the pool. It's such a great season. Perhaps even my favorite! Here are some things I'm thinking about from my front porch this morning...

• Time with girlfriends is worth the hassle. We all have kids. We all have jobs. We all have a bazillion things to do and it's not always easy to get together to nurture important friendships. However, I believe it's so important to make every effort to do so. Being with old friends helps me to remember who I am. Time away from home makes me extra thankful for the home that I get to return to. Plus, it's just so much fun!!! I had a great time in Chicago for a quick visit with my college friends, Leslie and Torrey. We also got to meet with some grad school/Chicago friends for dinner, which was an extra bonus. It was great to be back in the city and to connect with these wonderful women.
• Time with mama-friends is worth bending over backwards. I'd been wanting to visit my friend Holly in Atlanta for awhile and we finally were able to last week. Oliver adores her daughter Caroline and I knew that Eli would have a great time with Holly's son Han, so I decided to take them as well. Lucky for us, a few other of my Chicago mom-friends from back in the day were able to make the trip south as well. We stayed up so, so, so late. We sat on Holly's very southern and very beautiful front porch and watched the kids play. We ate barbecue and drank iced tea. It was a relaxing, wonderful trip.
• We encountered some bad luck with flights on our way home so Jake and Sintayehu (who had been enjoying some daddy/daughter time back in Iowa) came to our rescue in Chicago. They picked us up at about 5 p.m. and, throwing caution to the wind, we decided to grab dinner in the city before heading home. Soon we realized we were in Cubs' traffic and so we decided to go to the game! I am not known for last-minute plans, but I must say this is the perfect example of why impromptu adventures are the best!
• While in Atlanta, I got a call from Jake in which he said, "Well, the bathroom remodel is not going exactly according to plan." What?! We had not discussed a bathroom remodel, bless him, but my dear husband thought he'd surprise me with one while I was away and then got a bit stuck. By the time I got home, we decided to paint, replace a mirror, and add a cabinet. We bought everything from Habit Restore, so it required some extra love. Luckily, I've come to believe that a little manual labor is good for the soul. I'm really pleased with how it turned out and the late night painting sessions have helped me keep my mind off of the fact that some of My Most Important People are heading to Africa...
• ...So my husband and sons are heading to Africa. Someone hold me. Apparently, when your husband and sons go to Africa, your travel anxiety triples. I'm nervous for them and excited for them and just so incredibly thrilled by this adventure. It will be an amazing experience for the three of them and my step-father, who is also going. These precious, precious people are heading to Tanzania for 14 days with a small group from our church. We've always valued travel and, though Sintayehu and I are not going, I feel like this might be our family's biggest adventure yet. I'll be honest...I wouldn't mind your prayers and positivity as we head into this major life happening.

Easter Sunday

Let's be Easter people all year long.

Let's live EXPECTANTLY

 and embrace absolute WONDER.

Let's seek authentic and abundant and wide-eyed JOY in each moment. 

Let's live as if all promises will be kept.

Let's dash passionately and recklessly toward GOODNESS.

 Let's be WILD and UNASHAMED in our AFFECTION.

Let's capture the gift of HOPE and spread it recklessly with WHOLE HEARTS.

LOVE (capital L) is SWEET like candy. 

Let's share it with everyone we know.

Date Nights and February Writing

Three courses after the massage.
It was an evening of sensory decadence! 

As a freelancer, it's nice when you can write multiple pieces about the same topic/experience. I was able to do just that in February when I contributed two different articles about the couples massage that Jake and I had the pleasure of experiencing at Turning Leaf Spa. On a chilly evening in December, Jake and I settled in at Turning Leaf for an hour-long, side-by-side massage in a room with a fireplace and soft music. After the massage, we had dinner catered by Johnny's Italian Steakhouse in an adjoining nook. It was a pretty incredible date night! I wrote about it HERE and HERE. Jake and I try to consistently spend one-on-one time together when it's possible, but we don't really have a rhythm of date nights. I've heard of couples scheduling a date once a week or every two weeks, but that doesn't seem to happen for us. We're more likely to be invited to a kid-free event and then take advantage of having a sitter by going out for a drink or coffee before or after. We're also lucky that my mom and step-dad are willing to keep the kids while we go on longer adventures. And sometimes, after the kids go to bed, we stage our own special dates at the dining room table with candles and takeout. Sometimes these evenings are actually my favorite. No matter what it looks like, there's no doubt that it's always refreshing to spend quality time with the ones we love. 

Weekending...

We're coasting into the weekend, which will be filled with basketball games, a birthday party, the Superbowl (snacks! yay!), and weather permitting, a short visit with some of my favorite ladies on the planet. If you've ever wondered if dinner with friends is worth a two and a half hour drive (both ways!), I'm here to tell you that it is. I can't wait!

There were some nice moments over the last week. I got to spend a little extra time with the kids thanks to a snow day and a half. I got to go with a friend on a random, freezing Tuesday night to a Patty Griffin concert where I was inspired by the sheer talent, power, and presence of a living artist. I got a much-needed haircut :) and I got to take a walk on an indoor track with another friend and enjoy helpful, delightful conversation. The two of us are both writers/editors by trade and we share some of the same goals. And yet, we're sometimes crippled by the voice in our head saying over and over again: "Who am I to a write book/an article/a blog post?" We discussed the tendency to downplay our talents (?) and passions (?) in a way that, I believe, hinders what we contribute to the world. I wonder what other aspects in my life I hinder myself because I'm afraid of my own light and my own power? Later, I stumbled upon this quote and it really resonated. 

Maybe you'll like it, too. Happy weekend!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Marianne Williamson, via Momastery  

Januaries

As I've mentioned, I get a little erratic in January. In my search of peace and contentedness over the last couple of weeks I have seriously considered getting another tattoo as well as changing my name. Though I decided against both, I proceeded to stalk local furniture stores thinking that perhaps a new couch is what I need to usher happiness back to my life. I know, I know. I wander around stores or spend aimless time held captive online and, after the momentary high, I feel gross. I struggle, dear reader. In fact, at the moment, we are this close to getting a cat and I think it might be related to the Januaries.

In the meantime, here's what helps...

Afternoon lattes made by someone else and picked up in the drive-thru:

The burning flame of a candle:

A good book:

Planning and enjoying a 4-yr-old birthday pony party:

Wine helps tremendously during the 9-11 p.m. hours, but not so much the 6:30 a.m. hour:

Fresh flowers in bright colors:

And of course family and friends and the three little people that I adore. It's really not so bad.

Weekending...

Well, friends, I have to be honest: I've got a case of the Januaries. I've been a little sad this week, for no particular reason, and haven't had much energy to do anything other than what's absolutely required of me. I guess I've dealt with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) for years and I try to be proactive about my mental health this time of year. (We have February and March trips to look forward to, I'm popping Vitamin D, exercising, and a few fun craft projects and recipes await, etc.). And yet here I am, with every blessing you could ask for, feeling blue. Sigh…

Maybe the events this weekend will inject a little life? We're hosting a small dinner tonight (I'm making this—yum!), the kids have basketball tomorrow morning, and Jake and I are going to a River Music Experience fundraiser on Saturday night with some of our lovies. Really, these things should be fun. And please don't worry about me. I just don't want to post all of life's little triumphs here on the blog without clueing you in on a few of the struggles as well. Thanks for the ear.

In case you're looking for something to read this weekend, you can find a few recent articles here:

I wrote this piece in November and you know what? Reading it now, I realize just how well I know myself. Maybe you'll relate? Read it HERE.

Before Christmas, I got to try hot yoga at a local studio for a Gold Book assignment. As you'll see in the article, I'm hooked! (Jake ended up getting me a punch card for Christmas—hooray!) Read about it HERE.

A Poem for A Tuesday Morning

Why I Wake Early

by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and crotchety–

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light–
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

"Why I Wake Early” is the title poem of Mary Oliver’s 2004 collection Why I Wake Early.
Poetry Foundation link: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/mary-oliver

I pushed snooze several times before finally stumbling into the boys'  room and waking them up for school at 6:50. I made coffee, I poured cereal; they argued, they laughed; Sintayehu stumbled downstairs in her red nightgown and pink robe; we interrupted breakfast to admire the HUGE snowflakes that fell outside our kitchen window. We piled in the car and said our morning prayer at the corner of Tremont and Bridge, just as we did yesterday and will again tomorrow. The day lightened. Held in its hands…good morning.

New Year's Resolution?

I'm usually a huge fan of New Year's Resolutions. In fact, I kind of love them…the challenge, the parameters, the thrill of a new beginning. In the past, I've made some major proclamations right here on the blog—like in 2012 when I resolved not to buy clothes for the entire year or in 2013 when I vowed to read at least two books per month and cultivate some serious joy in my life. This year, however, nothing grand or easily measured is jumping out at me, so I'm taking inspiration from this darling print and declaring my intentions for 2014.

This year, I will WALK JOYFULLY. I will let go of PERFECTION & embrace THE MESSY and SPONTANEOUS. I will honor my TIME and love THOSE AROUND ME RADICALLY. I will stand up and share my EXCLAMATION POINTS with the world! 

How about you? How would you fill in the blanks?

If you're like me, you'll think this all sounds great, but will need some tangibles in order to really move forward. Here are my specifics for 2014:

• How will you WALK JOYFULLY? By spending my time and resources on experiences rather than things. By continuing a meditation practice and endeavoring to concentrate on each moment as it arises.

• How will you let go of PERFECTION? By not allowing my need to please others to cripple who I really am, by sometimes settling for good enough, by reminding myself what really matters, and by taking the long view. (This year I will remember that I am loved and I am enough!)

• What does it mean to embrace THE MESSY and SPONTANEOUS? This is so scary. I hate last-minute plans and am crippled by forks in the road. However, I will try to be more patient with others and more adaptable in my day. Deep breaths will likely help.

• How will you honor your TIME? I will say 'no' to things that interfere or that obligate me to things outside of my mission to serve God and my family. I will be honest about what I am/am not capable of.

• How do you plan to RADICALLY share you LOVE with THOSE AROUND YOU? I intend to look my children and husband in the eye, thus striving to take the time to really see them when we're interacting. I intend to make two phone calls per month to long-distance friends. I also plan to leave the house ten minutes before we really need to in order to relieve stress. (This tends to be my least lovable time of day.)

• How will you stand up and share your EXCLAMATION POINTS with the world? I intend to continue to read and educate myself and allow myself to feel passion…love...something about this world. I intend to look for wonder and do my best to be a reflection of positive energy and Love.

Year in Review: Favorite Moments

Happy New Year!! I have always loved New Year's Eve. I should probably be prepping for a small gathering tonight, but I thought I'd take a few moments to update the blog and count my blessings. Thanks so much for reading Farm-Raised this year. Being able to share our lives here is so much fun. And as Anais Nin said, "we write to taste life twice." I guess I'm greedy in that way. :-) For posterity, here are a few highlights from 2013:

1. Eli and I made macaroons. This was quite a feat!

2. We baptized all three kids at St. Paul Lutheran Church and celebrated with dozens of friends, family members, and a backyard bounce house! I am so thankful for our amazing faith community and our observant, faithful family. I know I say it all the time, but I really feel that we've won the lottery when it comes to family and community and an incredible support system.

3. Jake and I went to Rome to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It was amazing. I love my husband. I love to eat. I love to travel. The combination of the three was stunning!

4. I always love Wine to Water, which we put on for the fifth year this past November. I love working with my sister-in-law Tesi and our amazing community and family. We raised nearly $15,000 for The Adventure Project and had a blast!

5. After toiling on a book and then a book proposal, I signed with a literary agent! This happened in June and was a huge thrill. Fingers crossed that we get a book deal this coming year! I also got to write for a few new publications, worked with a great group of people at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, and continued to love getting to know people in our community through the Radish and the Gold Book. Jake also started at a new school this year. Many viewed this as a promotion…good job, honey!

6. I got to travel to Dallas to see three of my favorite friends and their babes, Hinsdale for our annual Mommapalooza weekend, Milwaukee for a reunion of our precious adoption community, took a couple of trips to Chicago with Jake and family, and enjoyed out-of-town guests at our casa. These reunions with old friends absolutely revive my soul. I am thankful for those I got to see in 2013 and hope to see more in 2014!

7. Also to celebrate our 10th anniversary, Jake staged the most amazing surprise Poetry Party. (This actually happened at the end of 2012, but I'm including it here because I still can't stop thinking about it and I don't think I ever blogged about it.) He completely shocked me by asking some of our favorite friends to come to our house and read poetry aloud to the group of us. I still get teary thinking about the poems they read and the love they shared. Sigh…

8. Oliver turned 9 and started 3rd grade. Elihu spent most of 2013 as a 6-year-old and began 1st grade in the fall. Sintayehu turned 3 last January and enjoyed preschool two days a week. All three provided the most intense challenges and miraculous joy this year. I wouldn't say that motherhood has gotten any easier, but it as profound and gratifying as ever.

9.  We laughed a lot this year. One of last year's resolutions was to cultivate more joy in my life. I did my best to take myself less seriously and have more fun. I'm a work in progress, but having three little ones sure does help!

10. This is big and perhaps a bit abstract, but something incredible happened over the past year: A peace has fallen over our household. I have revealed to you before how Jake and I love to hope and dream and pray for new adventures…we've even hatched a few escape plans since landing here in 2007. However, something shifted in 2013 and I can honestly say that I am content here in the Quad Cities. In my bones, I feel like we are where we're meant to be at this moment. After searching for this peace for over six years, a deep satisfaction and sense of home has enveloped us and I am so, so grateful.

Stop Time

 

Life is moving so quickly. Our days are packed; each one holds excitement and challenges. Today I need to slow down. I need to sit for a minute to remember why my heart beats. 

Little Boys/Little Things

Something I noticed while moving a bit slower this week was the tops of the boys' dressers. I was opening windows in their room this morning when I noticed the items they have curated. I love seeing the things they deem worthy of placement in this special nook that their sister cannot reach. Paper airplanes, books, library cards and old hotel keys, crumpled up dollar bills, beads, bits of paper. Much like when I do the laundry and clean out pockets, I can't help but smile at all the little-boy treasures that I find. 

Holy Water (It's raining and we're planning a party.)

We're in the midst of a lot of really amazing plans right now. Within the next few months, Jake is heading to LA for work, I'm planning a girls' weekend in Dallas, and we have two short Chicago trips to look forward to as well (one for work, one for pleasure). Not to mention the 5th (!) annual Wine to Water party and my grandmother's 80th birthday. We're also making plans for an aunt's 50th birthday excursion and my cousin's upcoming wedding and all the pre-wedding parties a traditional wedding entails. Looking at my calendar and organizing time, money, and details makes me realize how lucky Jake and I are in the family and friend department. 

One of the things I'm most excited about is the kids' baptism. At the end of the month, all three of them will be baptized by one of my favorite friends (who also happens to be a pastor). Oliver, Eli, and Sintayehu will stand up with their precious godparents and experience the right. Growing up in a strong and dedicated Catholic family, I was, of course, baptized as an infant, and throughout my childhood, I attended countless baptisms. In the Catholic church, baptism is the first sacrament and it's something to be celebrated. Babies are baptized and then there is a party with lots of food and family and cake. I love this. There is something so important about coming together to recognize these moments, share this tradition, and feel the connection that binds us through common experience.

When Oliver and Eli were born, we were part of a beautiful church community that did not baptize infants. Oliver was "dedicated" (and there was food and cake, just the same), but we never got around to dedicating Eli. When Sintayehu came home, we were in Iowa and still trying to figure out where our family belonged. Two years later, we feel very happy with our church community and want to further plant roots for our kids. Oliver has been asking to be baptized for months and Eli is amenable, so we're thrilled to make it happen.

I'm thrilled to share in the sacramental memories that I have from childhood. I remember my First Communion and my Confirmation as milestone events in my life. I remember feeling really special and really loved on those days with my extended family around me. I remember shopping for my First Communion dress (pink with a white lace overlay) with my mom and I remember getting my hair done the morning of the service. The event was a big deal and all the fuss and preparation helped me understand that our family's faith was a big deal as well.

I want our children to be baptized so that they understand that as their parents we believe in something bigger than ourselves. I want them to stand in front of our church and peer out at the vastness of the spiritual community gathered.  I hope that they are touched by holy water and mesmerized by the glow of their baptismal candle. I want them to know how loved they are, by not only their parents, but by their godparents, their pastor, GOD, and the extended family and friends that will show up that day. What a privilege it is as a parent to be able to share this gift and experience this age-old spiritual practice together.

The beat goes on...

My husband and I, we like life to be exciting. We like to be perpetually planning our next adventure. We like to plan trips. We like to take on projects. We love to be inspired. We like new challenges to keep us sharp. We like to dream about possibilities. And yet, Jake and I have arrived in this place of steady. Granted, he is currently settling into a new school and I'm settling into a new work routine, but other things—big things—like pregnancies/adoptions, new cities, new houses, new churches, those things are pretty well settled. I certainly don't want to rock the boat of this contentment (it's a beautiful thing) and I know that life can change drastically in a single instant, it's just that lately I've really been noticing this sense of peace and must admit that the settled dust feels a little bit foreign to my bare feet.

Ingrid Michaelson (love her) sings this,

I will live my life as a lobsterman's wife on an island in the blue bay...I will bear three girls all with strawberry curls, little Ella and Nelly and Faye...While I'm combing their hair, I will catch his warm stare. On our island in the blue bay....Far away far away, I want to go far away. To a new life on a new shore line. Where the water is blue and the people are new. To another island, in another life.

I'll be honest. There's a part of me—the adventure-seeking part—that thinks, "Oh my gosh. We should move to Maine/LA/NY/North Carolina/Wisconsin/Anywhere! We should re-invent ourselves and experience a new adventure!" Does everyone struggle with this? I will admit to some times of pretty intense restlessness. 

And then I realize that we can do that here and now, that we are doing it here and now. It turns out that my life is lyrical! Here I am with three kids and a husband and a small garden in our backyard and people to share it with. This fantasy is real and it's already mine. Our great adventure is parenting and living and loving right where we are.

For years I've preached simplicity and searched for peace and a sense of home. Isn't that what all of us want? To feel like we belong right where we are? In some ways, I think I've spent a lot of time on the inside chasing the next big thing. In moments of self-compassion, I actually really like this part of myself—the part that resists complacency. Other times, the internal wanderlust can be maddening. But I'm learning more and more about what it feels like to live right where I'm at, to appreciate the rhythm of our little lives, and to feel the thrill of what this gift can mean in the world. Maybe that's the excitement that accompanies 35 years?